Unspoken Rage
by PrincessRotation
Summary: Sam and Freddie's little angst fests XD This is so much fun to write. All the stories are unrelated. Rated T for cussing.
1. Chapter 1

He watched Sam as she laughed, her green/pink/blue/white rimmed eyes sparkling. (Because life with Sam is always _ohso_**fun**) She was dressed as a Mermaid, because she found anything like that pretty disgusting. Yet, disgusting as she was supposed to be, she still looked beautiful (_what more could he expect_) and he felt the over whelming urge to pull out his Nikon and snap a picture of this rare candid moment (_smile for the camera, baby_).  
Tugging at her straightened mass of blonde, he saw a flash of a frown (but everythings _fine,_ I _swear_) because he knew she was regretting coming as this. She hated pretending she was perfect, because she was Sam and Sam's imperfections were what made her her.  
Walking over, he could hear her shout cuss words at some random kid that got in her way, and smiled (because being abrasive is _always a fun time_) before catching her eye.  
The look she gave him was not one of _hey baby, welcome to the party_ but more of a_ you broke my fucking heart_ one. Warning signs were shooting from her eyes but he didn't take the hint, didn't want to  
(Because seeing your face freshens up _my_ day).  
'Hey.'  
'Didn't know you were here.' Sam was never one for pleasantries.  
'It's Carly's party, of course I'm here.'  
'Then go find her, and leave me the fuck alone.' (_Your eyes aren't dancing anymore_)  
'Can't you just get over this? I said I was sorry.'  
'You better fucking walk away before I break you.' (_Like you broke her_) Sam doesn't care who's listening, who's watching, because this is just _another argument, another day at the office_ and besides she has a rep to keep.  
'Sam, I really am sorry.' He lowered his voice, to make her realize he was serious and not up for a fight. The audience that had gathered wasn't exactly helping either.  
'Are you deaf? Because I am as sure as shit I just told you to walk the fuck away.' (_She never used to swear, she used to smile_)  
'I need you.' (_But you might as well be deaf and dumb because she's just not in the mood for you_)  
'God Benson. I gave you a chance, and you fucking messed me about. Sam Puckett never forgets.'  
'Can we just talk?' (_The buzz around you is making me dizzy_)  
'We just did.' Walking away was not normally something Sam specialized in. (_What happened to You Hit Me, I Hit You Harder?_) A blur of blonde and then nothing. Crowds trickled out, Spencer offered a pat on the shoulder (_Makes it _**all**_ better_) as Carly ran off after her best friend.

* * *

'Come on Sam open the door!' Carly pleaded for the last time that night, before Freddie softly pulled her aside and asked for a hair grip.  
Hair grip in hand, he fumbled with the lock and successfully cracked it (_learnt from the best_) before hearing a clear, '**Bitch**.' leave Sam's lips (_hey, takes one to know one_).  
Carly walked away (_clack clack clack_) as Freddie closed the door and locked it again.  
'We need to talk.'  
'You need to leave.'  
'It wasn't what you thought it was.'  
'Then please explain it to me.' (_Your voice is too quiet, it's all so fucking wrong_)  
'She kissed me.'  
'And you kissed back.'  
'Yeah. But that doesn't change my feelings for you.' He mumbled.  
'And your feelings don't change the fact that you're a _fucking arse_ and I don't need you.'  
Silence filled the room and _there it was again, fucking quietness_.  
'Did I break your heart?' He asked, looking the blonde in the eyes.  
And _of course_ her words said **no** but her eyes said_ you destroyed it, never mind fricking broke it_.  
'I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm just so fucking sorry.' (_Be a man, don't cry_) A tear broke loose and there went his pride, _but does it even matter anymore?  
_'You broke me.' Sam whispered (_and why can't you scream? This isn't you, this isn't you_). 'I've never told anyone. But you broke me.'  
'You can cry.' Freddie whispered but he knew very well she wasn't going to (_Puckett's don't cry, Benson_) because she didn't like being the weak one.  
'I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.' She spat, and it was only then that he realized she already _had_ cried, mascara was running down her cheeks, bleeding with green eye shadow that looked so_ fucking horrible_ in this harsh light, and one of her bottom lashes was missing.  
She had never looked more beautiful.  
Pulling her into a kiss, he resisted her punches and screams and hot tears (_it's all better, you're not quiet anymore_) and slowly pulled away so he could kiss away her salty tears (_kiss it all better_).  
'YOU CAN'T KISS ME! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING KISS ME!' She screams and this is the first time you've seen her cry like this, (_you've finally got her to open up_) and she slides off of the toilet seat onto the cold ground, kicking and thrashing his helping hands.  
He sat down and restrained her, pulling her into a bear hug, and whispered, 'Hey, hey, shh. It's okay, baby. It's okay.' over and over (_just like her mom never did_) until she was quietly sobbing.  
'You can't... Fucking kiss me... I fucking hate you... Don't touch me... Don't call me your fucking baby...' She whispered, inbetween more hot tears.  
'Hey, hey hey. Calm down.' He used a finger to wipe her eyes softly, not caring that it came back multi coloured (_I'll never wash this hand again_).  
'Don't tell me to calm down.' She whispered. He chuckled (_some things just never change_) and kissed her forehead.  
'I fucking hate you, Benson.' She sighed into his chest. And that was it, she was done. They sat, tangled up in eachother, on the cold hard floor, two hot messes. (_And I've never loved you more, baby_)  
Sam fell asleep, and Freddie did soon after.

* * *

Waking up, Freddie looked around for Sam. She was gone (_of course, you can't just fix everything just like that_) and he sighed.  
_Hey, they were never perfect._

* * *

**Hey, thank you guys for reading this, sorry for all the cussing, I think that made it heaps more angsty :D  
That was so much fun to write.  
If you R&R, I'll love you forever :D**


	2. fb is a big bowl of fun

I get lots of inspiration from facebook groups :)

'You know Benson, lots of babies were dropped on their heads when they were little.' Sam said simply, lounging on her bean bag.  
Freddie smiled and narrowed his eyes, ready to fire an insult back

_(__it's all fun and games)  
_But Sam hadn't finished. 'You were clearly thrown at a wall.' She growled. Okay, she was in another bad mood. 'Y'know maybe you weren't. Your mom probably locked you in her first aid cupboard.'  
'What, are you on your period or something?' Freddie spat, (_oh look, things just turned ugly_) and watched the rage grow behind her sparkly blue eyes.  
'You're so gonna regret that. **Benson**.' (_he already kinda did_)  
'Ahw come on Sam. You're being worse than usual.' (_lets pretend i don't enjoy it_)  
'Oh, well I **do apologise**.'  
'Y'know what Sam? You're obviously fluent in three languages. English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.'  
(_She hardly blinked, because she's so **badass** and so damn tough, nothing hurts anymore_)  
'Well thankyou, Captain Obvious.' She laughed (_wow, that's actually rare nowadays_) at his lame attempt to look big.  
'You're welcome, Sargent Sarcasm.' He fired back, and Sam rolled her eyes.  
'What's your problem, Sam? You used to be fun. Now it's just like you hate me.' (_i hate you._) Freddie leaned back on his bean bag, away from her, because he knew what she was gonna say. (_i do hate you, i do i do_)  
But all was silent in the studio and the two tweens were pratically swimming in the akwardness.  
Suddenly Sam's phone vibrated, it was her boyfriend Harry of course (_it always was, and Freddie hate hate hated him_). She giggled at the text and then quickly tapped back.  
Freddie growled quietly (_why couldn't he make her laugh like that anymore?_) but Sam heard him, and looked up in suprise.  
'Jealousy is a very serious disease. Get well soon.' She murmured, and Freddie gasped.  
'What have I got to be jealous about, **Puckett**? That guy doesn't know what he's getting into, I actually feel sorry for him.' (_i take it all back, it's all lies_)

__

__

Quietness again, and Freddie could have hit himself.  
'I'm sorry.'  
'Mmm hmm.' Was all he got in return. He needed to lighten the mood, quickly.  
'Sam...?'  
She sighed and nodded.  
'I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but I got banned from club penguin.' WHAT? Why did that of all things have to pop into his head?  
He was suprised to see Sam laughing... alot, on her bean bag. He could pratically feel her shaking.  
'You're... such... a... loser.' She gasped. _(can I be your loser?)  
_He thought everything was nice again, but soon enough, she was texting Harry again.  
He pulled out his phone, and scrolled down his contacts in search of a girl to text (_he wasn't trying to make Sam jealous, he swore) _but all he could see was the name 'Princess', which of course, stood for 'Princess Puckett'.  
_Why was he blushing?_ Why couldn't he just leave her be, let her text her stupid boyfriend? Act like nothing had happened between them, act like she hadn't cried into his chest last night at the halloween party, like they hadn't shared a kiss, a _truthfull_ kiss, like they were the same Sam and Freddie, not _SamandFreddie._ Because he loved her alot, and what was it they said? _If you love someone, let them go. _But Freddie couldn't let Sam wonder off into the arms of some kid that would _never_ feel the way he did about Sam, _ever_.  
So screw that. Why didn't he just confront Sam, ask her why they were pretending last night never happened? _Be a man, that's what Sam likes._  
He was just about to ask her, when he realized his pear phone was slipping from his grip and it clattered to the floor, startling Sam.  
She smiled again. 'I still don't understand why you have a phone, it's pointless. You have no friends, who're you gonna call, _Dora the Explorer_? Afterall, I know she was your only childhood friend.'  
'Why Sam? Why are you acting like nothing happened last night? Why are you acting like we hate eachother?'  
_silence silence silence  
'_Cuz I do hate you Benson.'  
_more silence, alot of it  
_'Why. Tell me why.'  
_silence silence, they **hate** silence  
_'Because you made me cry.  
Because you can control my feelings, then dismiss them as if they were unimportant.  
Because no matter how much I want to never see you again, I have to see you.  
Because I want, _need_ to hate you, but you make it so hard.  
Because it's you that stops me loving my boyfriend.  
Because you were the first to break my heart.  
Because you said you loved me, and I'm pretty sure it was a lie.' She counted the reasons off on her fingers. And then glared, picking up her phone to leave.  
'Sam, I'm sorry. I really am, I can't say it anymore. Words can't even express... I have a solution, a reason, to every one of your reasons for hating me.'  
'Oh, _trust me_, there's alot more where that came from.' She whispered. 'And you can't keep going around, thinking you can make **everything better **with your damn 'apologies' and stupid hugs and kisses. Because you **can't**, okay Benson, you just **can't**.'  
'I know.' He whispered, and Sam growled.  
'Just **stop it**. **Stop **making** me** feel like the bad guy when it's all **you** this time, Benson. I hate you, but I love you too. And you know it, and you think you can just **play with that** and I'm done. Puckett's don't need to take this **shit**.' (_oh look, we're swearing again_)  
'You love me too?' Freddie asked, and for the first time in ages he actually felt... _happy_. Because he knew now that Sam returned his feelings, even though hers were dipped in a _whole lot _of hate.  
'Look Sam. I needed you to cry. _You_ needed to cry, because you _never_ do, and it's not healthy. You need to realize that I want to know how you're feeling, because then I know that this isn't all just some game to you, that you feel the same way.  
I don't try to control your feelings, if anything you can control mine. And don't you _dare_ think even for a second that your feelings aren't important to me, because they are, when you were crying last night, I wouldn't have left you for the _world_.  
And if we didn't see eachother, Sam, I think we both know we would hate it. I can't live without you, you're the yin to my yang and all that shit.'  
He paused to breathe and rake a hand through his hair.  
Sam went to interrupt, but he wasn't done.  
'I love that you can't hate me as much as you want, because I could _never _hate you, you got that? _Never ever.  
_I don't want you to love that sad excuse for a boyfriend. Sure, I want you to be happy, but I _know for a fact_ that he isn't good enough for you, infact no one is.  
I want to mend your heart, it was never my intention to break it, because when that girl kissed me, I _hated _it and when you saw, I actually yelled at the girl and made her cry after you left. Then, when you wouldn't see me, speak to me, I cried a whole lot.  
And I do love you. I would never lie about something like that. I love you more than I can say. More than anyone could say. And this sounds all cliche and I know you hate that shit but this is how I feel, I hate it too, but I could never hate _you.'_

_..._

'Say something.'

___'I...' She managed, before her phone rung. She answered it quickly, and then sighed as she realized who it was.  
'Hey Harry. Yeah I... Naw, I can't go to the groovy smoothie right now. Can we take a raincheck?... What do you mean I don't spend enough time with you? I do. Oh don't be stupid, don't blame him. It's got nothing to do with -' She stared at her phone, the dialling tone playing just a __little too loud_.  
'I... I think I'm single.' Sam said, plopping down on the bean bag.

__

Freddie sat down on the same one, and pulled her close. 'You can cry you know.'  
'Stop tryna make me cry.' Sam demanded, but rested her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her.  
They looked exactly like they did last night, except now... It might be okay.

* * *

SORREH. my inspiration went POOF :(

i needs more angst.

AND FF JACKED UP MY ITALICS  
i tried but it wont lemme change it. :


	3. Of rust & souls

Nom. Nom. Nom.

So. Fun. To. Write. I OVERUSE **BOLD**&_ITALICS_&UNDERLINING SO I APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE.

* * *

He looks so... **dazzling** under this light. It catches his eyes and makes them dance, his hair glosses and shines, his lips are revealed to be an astonishing pink, and his skin is _ohsoflawless_.  
You're almost jealous of his beauty.  
Why can't you be that perfect? Why are you so **broken**?  
He catches you staring up at him in awe and his lips slightly twitch upwards, and boy you nearly burst into song. **You **made him smile. You_you_**you**.  
'Picture's last longer you know...' His voice sounds like a song to you, and you smile back before you can catch yourself, but then blush and duck your hair.

**Fuck**, when did it get this serious, _Samantha?_

'I have no idea what you're talking about.' You almost whisper, because you're _embarrassed_, it's not the first time this week either. Two days ago he caught you singing along to 'You Belong With Me; Taylor Swift' with your pearpod full blast, and man he hasn't let you forget it.  
'You know full well. You were checking me out.'  
'I was doing nothing of the sort, **Benny-son.**'  
His smile is now a smirk and you just want to _smacksmacksmack_ it off his _perfectlittleface, _taint it with bruises, make him look **as broken as she is**.  
Of course, he will never look that broken. Never that messed up.  
'You were checking me out, admit it Sammy.'  
And you _told_ him to quit it with the Sammy business, but he finds it adorable so you play along.  
You almost have _hope_ in him some days. You aren't exactly sure what _hope_ is, but sometimes you think it comes in the form of a tech dweeb with rust coloured hair, hazel eyes, a good natured personality and somehow enticing looks.  
'I would never check you out. Besides, it's not like I don't already know what you look like, you're never _outta my face_.' You grumble, flicking his forehead edgily.  
He'll just look at you, and his eyes almost **probe** your soul, down to the deepest depths but you're sure he doesn't intend them to.  
No one would survive down in the depths of your soul anyway, it's probably pretty cold down there.  
'You confuse me.' He will voice, and you're glad. Glad that he can't just snap his fingers and know _all about you_ like he can with Carly. Because there's much more to you than you show. Sometimes you wonder if you're superficial and one day your mask will _crack_ and then everyone will see who Samantha Joy Puckett really is.  
You sure as hell don't know who she is yet. You don't know yourself anymore, you thought that you did but then you _cried _infront of him at that party, _kissed him, admitted your damn feelings for him_ and now you're just trying to pull the mask over your **wounds**.

He has no idea.

He's still looking at you, just looking&looking&looking and you feel compelled to look back or else you'll be the weak one again. That's never fun. But you can't keep **looking** because your mouth is about to open and you'll say something that will ruin everything. You need to end this freaky exchange, so you mutter, 'Good,' and hope he gets the message.  
You always had that theory that he could read minds.  
Because sometimes he'll just glance at you and **know**. Know something's up and to you that's extra _freaky-deaky, _but then again, _**you've **_ never been that good at figuring out other people's emotions.  
You've never really tried.  
You should try now.  
You try to look deepdeepdown into the depthsofhisohsowarmsoul and you just realise that you're thinking about a load of tosh cause all you see are his jet pupils and his chocolate-y orbs.

**Damn him**.

* * *

This isn't angst as much, but I REALLY wanted to write it, just what Sam see's when she looks at him basically. ANGST COMING SOON.

THANKS FOR READING LOVELIES. I CAN ONLY HOPE&WISH&DREAM FOR R&Rs :)


	4. summer, baby

'_there__'s no distance in between our love'_

_ S_omething that trickled out of my mind while listening to All Time Low's version of Umbrella and Six Feet Under The Stars, I would recommend listening to them while reading, enjoy. (Mainly Six Feet)

* * *

She loves the summer. It's so beautiful, everything's so beautiful, memories that will be created will be so beautiful.  
_Normally.  
_She has this niggling little feeling that this summer's going to be different. Because _he's_ different & _she's _different. So _that makes everything different_.  
Trust _him_ to ruin it.  
She can remember the summers where she just _didn't give a damn, _she would look forward to summer because it was such a carefree time, so schedules, no teachers, no homework, she could do what she wanted when she wanted, and nobody gave a damn.  
Plus, the weather was pure bliss.  
She would sit on the park with her two best friends and just _be_, talking about nothing of sense and laughing the hours away.  
But now, now _he_ had to go and catch her eye, and not exactly _steal_ her heart, but kinda leave his big dorky imprint on it and then leave her.

This summer, she _had_ to give a damn about things. She had to _worry, cry, be miserable and try to push her feelings away._

Nonetheless, as the last bell rung signalling the end of that school year, tears of _happiness_ filled her eyes, (she quickly wiped them away; she has a rep) because she was just so happy to be _free_.  
She was actually glad this wasn't her last year at her school but for now, she could just _chill the hell out_ and catch some rays.

She doesn't even wait for Carly and Freddie, she just runs to the park and sits down so she can just clear her mind and enjoy the warmth of the sun beating down.

She doesn't get very long though, because she hears a surprised, '_Sam_?'  
'Freddo?' You inhale, and then look up at him with squinted eyes.  
God, he's like a bloody fly you can't get rid of.  
'Where's Carls?' You ask, monotone. He sits next to you, noticing you scoot away ever-so-slightly, and rolling his eyes.  
'She's at the Groovy Smoothie with some friends. You left straight away, so she didn't get chance to invite you.'  
'And why are _you_ here?' You ask, pointing your finger at him, and using your pissed voice.  
'It's a free park isn't it? I just wanted to chill for a few, by myself, you know, I want a bit of piece before we start doing summer-y stuff.'  
'Small world.' You murmur, before sighing and picking up your coat.  
'Hey, where you going?' He asks, and you shake your head.  
'Freddie, I'm going for some peace remember?'

He's silent for a few seconds, and then he lowers his head. '_You still hate me.'_ He whispers, and you almost feel _fucking sorry for him_.  
But that's an _almost_.  
'Freddie, don't even start. That kiss at the party... We were both drunk, and then my boyfriend broke up with me, and I just can't handle any of that drama anymore. I may be Sam Puckett, but I'm also a girl, believe it or not. I can only take so much, Freddo. I'm sorry, I don't hate you. But I think, it would be easier if you went back to loving Carly, because then I would be able to just get the hell over you and act like our whole relationship never happened, like last summer... A better time.' You finish, and shit, you're actually crying this time. AGAIN.

_'Sam, don't you get it?_ It's not that easy. I can't just switch my love for you off. You're afraid of change... Aren't you?' He asks, getting up and cupping your face within his hands.  
'So what if I am? It's the only thing I'm scared of.' You point out, not looking him in the eyes.  
'Sam, change is good. You don't need to be scared of it.' He whispers, making you swoon a little, and then he leans down and presses his perfect soft lips to yours.

* * *

You liiiiike? Das ist gut, ja? Or nein? Das ist nicht gut? Okay, sorry, I only did German for about 2 years, and I never paid attention. Same with French, but I did that for three xD


	5. always there

Felt angsty after today's events, so... Enjoy ;D

* * *

You know you're breaking him. _Holy shit,_ you're selfish, but you drown out these thoughts as you raise the bottle to your lips again. The sour liquid runs down your throat and makes you feel, almost happy.  
He blinks at you from across the room, sits there, watching you destroy yourself, _he tries to stop you, but you carry on_.  
How can you be so inconsiderate?  
You're _obviously_ hurting him.  
God damn, those thoughts are back again, but you force yourself to remember that _he_ broke _you _when he kissed that whore.  
The bottle is shakily raised to your lips again, of your arms own accord, and the glass clinks against your teeth.  
You see out of the corner of your blurry vision, him clench his fist at the sound. You half smile. _Maybe you're breaking him as bad as he broke you. _He caused this, after all.  
_Why the fuck is he still here? Sitting there, in your house, looking after you while your mother is on holiday. You can't even remember him turning up. It's like he's always been here. _You ponder this as the glass falls to the floor. His breath hitches as your sleeves hitch up your arm, and he's by your side in a flash. He pushes your sleeve up and you feel his tears fall on the slashes up and down your arms.  
You laugh.  
_You fucking laugh because it's not like it means anything, tons of people do it._  
You're just looking after yourself, in a weird messed up way.  
'Why?' He asks, though he knows you can't give a logical answer, in this state of mind. You shrug and your laughter stops, and you mumble, 'Sorry.' Because you _know_ you won't remember in the morning.  
You don't even want to remember.  
When he hurt you, he didn't mean to. But now you're breaking him on purpose to make yourself feel better.  
You need to stop.

You let a few words tumble from your lips as you fall asleep, '_I love you_.'  
You can just catch the, 'I love you too.' Before you black out.

* * *

Soz bozzah it was short, i love yous.


	6. i'm sorry

Things in my life are confusing at the moment. I'm really sorry I haven't updated guys, I literally only have one story that I've finished and it's a oneshot, lmao. I really need to work on finishing every one of my stories, which will take _so damn long_, but IMA DO IT FO' YA COZ I LOVE YA. Okay?  
This was orignally just going to be and authors note, but I know how much I hate those myself, when someone dedicates a whole chapter to an authors note, it creates false hope for me, I think the story is gonna carry on and then BAM someone's updating on why they can't update... It's like, if you can update to tell us you can't update... SUCK IT UP AND CARRY ON WITH TEH DAMN STORY.  
SO suck it up I shall.

(That's what she said.)  
Teehee. BY TEH WAY, I WOZ LIS'NAN TO FOB WEN I B WROWTIN DIS SO GIVE EM A WHIRL, DAY R ALL TYPES OF UHMAYZAN. Literally, they are the most amazing, inspiring band I've ever listened to. They are my favourite at the moment.  
ACTUALLY, while you read this, you should listen to Ariana Grande's version of Love The Way You Lie, you'll really feel the heartbreak in this then. Loves!

* * *

'_Baby_.' He whispered.  
'Yes?' You ask, shifting around on the bed, to face him. The moonlight hit his face and he looked so p e r f e c t, except for his troubled expression. You caress his face slowly and lovingly, as if to sooth it back to normal.  
'Please stop drinking, for me.' He pleaded. You whip your hand back, and duck your head.  
You feel so _ashamed_. How could you do this to him? You've asked yourself this a million times, but there's no answer.  
The way you feel when you're out of it, like every problem just floats away and you don't have to worry any more. You can leave everything behind and just be. Sometimes, you think about ending everything. Then you realize how selfish you're being, and besides, who needs heaven when you have Freddie right here? He's so **damn good **to you, and you really don't deserve it. (You never will.)  
'Freddo... I don't understand how you can stay with me, with what I do. I just can't stop...' You whisper.  
Automatically, when he hears the sadness in your voice, his arm wraps around your waist and pulls you close (_any closer and you might as well be one person... It feels like you are sometimes anyway)_. His hand cups your face and he looks you straight in the eye.  
'I love you.'  
**Jesus,** when did you fall so hard for him, _Samantha_?  
'I love you too.' You mutter, but you pull his face close for a rough kiss before he can say anything else.  
You know you're hurting him, but you're too selfish to stop.  
He responds quickly, his hands drifting to the small of your back. You don't move in sync, if anything you're out of it, but you don't care cause nothing's _perfect _with you two.

Sometimes, you wonder why you don't just leave _him_. He's not going to leave you any time soon, so why don't you make it easier on him and just end it yourself?  
Because you love him. That's why.  
It's all so messed up though, because if you truly loved him you would realise how much you're hurting him right now. Leave.

'I should, go...' You say, grabbing your jacket from where you had carelessly tossed it on the floor.  
'Sam...' He whispers. And that's when you break.

'I'm so sorry Freddie!' You suddenly start to sob. 'I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you this much, I just thought that if you felt the way I did then you would realise how you made me feel!' He looks frozen in shock, but you carry on. 'And I don't know how, but it just got out of control! The drinking made me forget everything that happened... And the cutting was just another way to deal with things, and I know I'm hurting you even more and I hate myself for it... I'm so _fucking_ selfish, I know you're too nice to leave me so I should just leave you.' You can't even talk through your heaving sobs any more, so you turn to the door, scrubbing at your face.

Turning around one more time, you manage to choke out, 'I'm sorry.'  
He's too shocked to do anything. He's never seen you like this before, and you hope you haven't broken his heart.  
You're not worth the heartbreak.

The door closes behind you and you walk out of Freddie Benson's life.

* * *

Sitting on the old park you used to hang around, you swing idly on the old swing set, clutching a bottle of some sort of alcohol. You don't really care what it is, as long as it takes your mind off thin.

Suddenly, he's there. At first you think he's just a figment of your messed up imagination, because he has his arm around Carly and maybe you're just too sleep deprived.  
But then you realise it _is_ them and you gulp. Oh God, he's moved on already. Back to Carly Shay.  
Well, they were made for each other after all, and Carly deserves someone as perfect as Freddie. And Freddie deserves someone as perfect as Carly.

He see's you. You get up to leave, which attracts his attention, and he see's you.  
'Sam.' He says, not very loud, but the silence in the park means it carries all the way over to wear you stand, frozen.

'Oh, hello.' You smile awkwardly. You won't get upset over this. _You _dumped _him_, Sam. He deserves a nice girlfriend. Especially after how badly you treated him.  
Carly looks worried. She hasn't really spoken to you after the party that much, she knows you got back with Freddie, which everyone could tell she was very jealous about. Then when she found out about the drinking, she decided to be a perfect little girl and stay the hell away from you.  
Smart girl.  
She probably thinks you're going to have a break down, attack them, screaming.  
In all honesty, you don't have it in you any more.  
That Sam died a long time ago.

'Sam, I-' Freddie starts, knowing how bad this looks. Sam smiled and sadly held up a hand. 'I'm really happy for you two Freddie. I hope things really work out for you two. You deserve it, both of you.' You don't even add a lacing of sarcasm or hatred to that. You generally hope the best for them.  
Why hate them for not sinking ship like you have?  
You've done this to yourself. They tried to help, but you could only really help yourself.  
Maybe with Freddie liking Carly again, you could try to start to get over him.

'I... I'm so sorry Sam.' Freddie said, and he looked so hopeless. You shake your head, and say, 'What for? There's nothing to be sorry about.'  
Everyone knew that was a lie.  
They used to be the perfect trio, but all the relationship wasn't strong enough to withhold all of the drama, and so it split.  
And at the end of it all, you were left alone, because three's always a crowd, right?  
Plus, you are the messed up one, and you were only ever causing trouble for other people any way.  
Maybe it was always meant to be this way.

Oh God, tears are coming now.  
All you can think is, _get home, before they see you crying. You can't cry, you've caused all of this. Don't be pathetic, you don't belong with them. You only belong with yourself.  
_So you smile again and nod an awkward goodbye.

Just as you leave the park, your one hand stuffed in your hoodie front pocket, the other still clutching your alcohol for dear life, you peek over your shoulder and see that Freddie is no longer holding Carly.  
She looks mad, but he looks upset.  
He's looking at you.  
He's watching you walk out of his life, or trying to, and he looks upset.

* * *

So I hoped you liked that. Sam was a lot more mellow in this, because I want her to get over her problems and realise what she's doing isn't going to get her anywhere. I don't think she'll get over it yet, but she's beginning to. Freddie's unintentionally using Carly as a rebound, he's so in love with Sam in this story.  
Sam may not realise yet, but she will, don't worry.  
I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.

Emo Jodie is emo, teehee.


	7. hot mess

_Come on, come on, turn a little faster, come on, come on, the world will follow after, come on, come on, cause everybody's after love.  
i'm accidentally in love._

* * *

This, you had to admit, was maybe always how you had imagined things would turn out at the back of your mind.  
You're Sam Puckett, and he's Freddie Benson.  
She's Carly Shay.  
When it comes down to it, when you look at you and Freddie, you don't look right together. In fact, you couldn't be more wrong.

You've run out of alcohol again.  
You drank too much too fast to solve a problem that will never really _ever_ be solved, but you don't even feel drunk. You just feel ill and stupid. You feel pathetic, which you are. There's a pounding in your skull which you know you'll have to live with for the next few hours, but it's your own fault so you can hardly complain.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Groaning, you can't even shout, 'It's open!' like you normally do because the killer hangover you've got just might be the death of you.  
Getting up, you steady yourself a bit, and grip onto the door handle. It's probably your Mom back from where ever place she's gone with which ever guy this time.

It's not.

It's Freddie Benson and Carly Shay.  
Oh God, what are they doing _here_? She's an absolute mess right now and she thought she'd walked out of their lives to save them the trouble.  
Freddie looks like he hasn't slept in nights, but Carly on the other hand, just looks bitter. Perfect, but bitter.  
He has his hands wringed together, and he looks scared. He never used to look that scared before.  
You realise in that second just how much times really have changed. He was never really scared enough to look frightened when he talked to you, but now, it's a different kind of fear. It's fear that you're going to have some sort of break down.  
He's not scared for him, but scared for you.  
You blink, trying to clear your blurry vision, and you don't say anything because you know you'll slur and won't be taken in the least bit serious.  
Carly stands there, looking a little angry that nothing's being said or done, and she keeps glancing up at Freddie.  
Freddie just stares at you, looking like he's about to cry.  
Carly finally breaks the silence. 'Look, Freddie. You're the one who wanted to come here so just get on with it.' Her tone is spiteful and you don't like this new Carly, she's changed as much as you have.  
He chokes a little, but clears his throat. You look at him expectantly and he suddenly voices his reason for showing up.  
'Sam, I'm so worried about you.' He says, and you nearly cry.  
Even though you've left him now, you're still hurting him? He has Carly, the perfect dream girl he's always wanted, why can't he just move on? And why do you feel so bad... Yet happy? God, you still love him. More than anything in the world and you feel like that break down they're no doubt expecting is going to happen when you see Carly suddenly throw her arm around his waist.  
He looks awkward, but doesn't remove her arm. He knows that you're looking at her arm around his waist, but he doesn't want to upset Carly so he leaves it there.  
You stay silent because if you open your mouth, you'll scream. You'll scream and you'll cry and you'll blurt out your feelings for him, which will be completely selfish and will only complicate things more.  
Carly sighs, then snaps. 'Jesus Freddie, she's obviously too pissed to even talk. I doubt she even understands what we're saying. Let's just go, I don't know why you're so worried about her, she's so not worth our time.' She turns to leave but Freddie stands his ground.  
He's looking at you with those sad eyes and they're filled with tears.  
'Carly, you need to leave.' He whispers, and she freezes.  
'What did you say?' She asks quietly, rage lacing her words.  
'You need to go, because Sam just needs me right now. If you don't care enough to be here, just please wait outside.' He explains, and she gasps.  
'F... Fine Freddie. I'll wait in the car but... If you're not out in half an hour I'm leaving.' She snaps, and waltzes off.  
Freddie rolls his eyes, and you resist the urge to laugh. Oh sweet Jesus, the tables have turned.

He turns around to face you, and gently pushes his way inside and closes the door behind him.  
'Sam.' He whispers, looking at all the bottles that lie strewn across the floor, and then back to you. 'You always were a hot mess.' He chuckles sadly.  
You can't do this anymore. You miss him so much, you know you're not good enough for him, and you're bringing him down but you honestly don't know how much longer you can go on without him and- 'Freddie!' You choke and then you start to sob.  
He immedietly wraps you in his bear hug, kissing your head and whispering soothing things in your ear. He picks you up with ease, and carries you to the sofa. His lips never leave your cheek, kissing you softly and still whispering reassuring things.  
He sits down with you on his lap and strokes your hair, and you manage to blurt out, 'Freddie, I love you. I miss you like crazy but I know I'm no good for you. I can't hurt you anymore with my selfish drinking and cutting and...' You can't carry on because the sobs are rising in your throat again.  
He shushes you sweetly, and cups your face in his hands.  
'Sam, I am in love with you. I love you so much I can't even... Everyday I think about you. I don't care if you're no good for me, with out you I feel the will to live just slipping away. Carly's nothing compared to you. Everything she does nowadays manages to annoy me and God when ever she kisses or touches me I wish she was you. We have to be together Sam, do you hear me? _We have _to.'  
He kisses you roughly, all the emotion between you pouring into it. You run your fingers through his hair and use it to pull him closer to you. Your tears mix with his and you wish this could never end, but you pull away and say, 'We can't. You're Carly's now...'  
He breathes heavily, and his forehead rests against yours. He looks into your eyes and whispers, 'Sam, I was never Carly's.'  
You feel more tears slipping down your cheeks, but you pull him into another kiss, and he gladly returns it, with as much passion and abrasiveness as you.  
Stradling him, you pull his top over his head, and he carries you to your room, his lips attatched to yours all the way.  
When you both fall down on the bed, he rolls you over so you're underneath, and kisses your neck. You moan, and pull his face back up to yours.  
'You sure you wanna-'  
'We've done it before.' You whisper. 'Are you sure? Carly's waiting outside-'  
'She's probably driven home by now. Although, I don't really give a damn about her anymore, she's been such a _bitch_ lately-'  
'And I haven't?' You laugh sadly.  
'But you're Sam. And I am so in love with you.' He whispers, and you pull him in for another kiss before he pulls the blankets over you.

* * *

Phwoar. Saucy.  
AWESOME SAUCE AS JERRY TRAINER WOULD SAY.  
I hope you enjoyed kiddly winks.


End file.
